Friday, October 31, 2003
Shifty-looking Folkestone fan could be next Prime Minister
The shock news from the world of politics is that evil-eyed Folkestone and Hythe MP Michael Howard is set to become leader of the Conservative Party and if the Currant Bun has anything to do with it he'll be this country's next Prime Minister too.
A Folkestone Invicta fan as leader of Her Majesty's Opposition? How can this be allowed to happen? Surely there are safeguards and background checks to prevent this sort of thing? I expect a public inquiry. It's certainly worrying. Yet another entry in the catalogue of bizarre happenings in East Kent (see below).
In Mr. Howard's favour he is at least a football supporter (if you use a suitably vague defintion of the phrase) rather than an egg-chasing public school boy. And he's not from Margate. Or Ashford. He even holds shares in his local team but that team being Folkestone Invicta I'm not sure it's something to be proud of. I bet he never watches from the terraces though (I'd have more respect for him if I'd heard him screaming "Can you hear the Hastings sing? I can't hear a ****ing thing!" at Cheriton Road).
But really, would you feel safe knowing that a Folkestone fan had his index finger on the nuclear button (or any of his 11 other webbed fingers for that matter)? We'd all disappear faster than a controversial posting on the Margate fans forum.
A Folkestone Invicta fan as leader of Her Majesty's Opposition? How can this be allowed to happen? Surely there are safeguards and background checks to prevent this sort of thing? I expect a public inquiry. It's certainly worrying. Yet another entry in the catalogue of bizarre happenings in East Kent (see below).
In Mr. Howard's favour he is at least a football supporter (if you use a suitably vague defintion of the phrase) rather than an egg-chasing public school boy. And he's not from Margate. Or Ashford. He even holds shares in his local team but that team being Folkestone Invicta I'm not sure it's something to be proud of. I bet he never watches from the terraces though (I'd have more respect for him if I'd heard him screaming "Can you hear the Hastings sing? I can't hear a ****ing thing!" at Cheriton Road).
But really, would you feel safe knowing that a Folkestone fan had his index finger on the nuclear button (or any of his 11 other webbed fingers for that matter)? We'd all disappear faster than a controversial posting on the Margate fans forum.
From despair to where?
I don't agree with the disgraceful sacking mutually agreed departure of Clive Walker but tomorrow we have to refocus - the boys are back in town. We've got a bitch of a game for the new management team and we all need to be 100% on our game - players, management and supporters. Richard and Patto are the manager and coach of Dover Athletic Football Club. They have done nothing to deserve anything less than our full undivided support. Perhaps we can show the board the meaning of loyalty?
And what about the board? Well that's up to you. Up until now they've seen us right. They will eventually be proved right or wrong in their decision. No need for the "sack the board" chants just yet (anyway, shouldn't that be "get rid of the board by mutual consent"?).
I disagree with some comments on the fans forum about not showing support for Clive tomorrow. I think a chorus of "there's only one Clive Walker" or something similar is entirely justified. He won't be there to hear it but at least some of us can give him a bit of recognition for what he did for us. Of course it should be followed by a rousing rendition of "Richard Langley's black and white army" to show our support for the new man.
See you in the next one (have a good time).
And what about the board? Well that's up to you. Up until now they've seen us right. They will eventually be proved right or wrong in their decision. No need for the "sack the board" chants just yet (anyway, shouldn't that be "get rid of the board by mutual consent"?).
I disagree with some comments on the fans forum about not showing support for Clive tomorrow. I think a chorus of "there's only one Clive Walker" or something similar is entirely justified. He won't be there to hear it but at least some of us can give him a bit of recognition for what he did for us. Of course it should be followed by a rousing rendition of "Richard Langley's black and white army" to show our support for the new man.
See you in the next one (have a good time).
Freedom of speech won't feed my children
"I love free speech" - G.W. Bush
Well if it's good enough for the self-appointed leader of the free world (don't get me started on that one...), it's good enough for DAFC fans as well.
From today you can tell me and the rest of the world (free or otherwise) exactly what you think about the beacon of online journalistic integrity that is "ITK - The Dover Fan". Click on the "comments" link at the bottom of an article to add your thoughts.
This could be the start of something truly beautiful.
Well if it's good enough for the self-appointed leader of the free world (don't get me started on that one...), it's good enough for DAFC fans as well.
From today you can tell me and the rest of the world (free or otherwise) exactly what you think about the beacon of online journalistic integrity that is "ITK - The Dover Fan". Click on the "comments" link at the bottom of an article to add your thoughts.
This could be the start of something truly beautiful.
CK to the rescue
My earlier story about "The Bemusing Triangle" generated some interest in the phenomenon. A certain Mr. Christopher Kinnear of Thanet has taken a particularly strong interest. The Margate manager and ex-Dover boss has vowed to get to the bottom of the mystery. The geometry of The Bemusing Triangle is what really fascinates him. He is apparently particularly intrigued by the concept of "three points".
Thursday, October 30, 2003
The Bemusing Triangle
It seems that a strange phenomenon has emerged in East Kent recently. Somewhat like the Bermuda Triangle only it's a much more perplexing mystery. If you draw lines on a map connecting the towns of Ashford, Dover and Margate (if you are from Ashford you can just scribble on the map, you're not going to follow the rest of this anyway) you will mark out an area of the county where strange things are going on with increasing frequency. This area has come to be known as "The Bemusing Triangle" and is characterised by a number of unexplained disappearances.
Firstly there was the riddle of the Hartsdown Park football stadium in the beautiful seaside town of Margate (well it's beautiful at night...in a power cut...when viewed from 30,000 feet...through the eyes of David Blunkett). One day it was there and few days later it had completely disappeared. A strange happening indeed but it seemed to be an isolated incident - at least until the cover story about rebuilding it was exposed as being untrue.
Secondly, down the coast at Dover, all common sense disappeared over night. Margate were sent to spend their cash at the overgrown train station that is England's premier boom town, Ashford. Something that's harsh even on the Thanet dwellers, sending them to a place that lacks class and culture. OK so Margate lacks class as well but it does have culture, albeit the kind of culture that is best kept refrigerated in a secure laboratory.
One thing led to another and the lack of common sense quickly resulted in the most shocking disappearance of the lot. Dover manager Clive Walker just vanished. Sacked by the board? I don't think so. Where are the board? They've been taken as well. Nobody's seen them. Just a few terse, carefully scripted statements on the website and in the press, they haven't shown their faces because whoever's pulling the strings it's not the trio of sensible football-loving Dover fans that were running the show last week. Something sinister is going on.
The work of extra-terrestrials? A government conspiracy? The Truth Is Out There.
P.S. If "they" come looking for me, you ain't seen me, right?
Firstly there was the riddle of the Hartsdown Park football stadium in the beautiful seaside town of Margate (well it's beautiful at night...in a power cut...when viewed from 30,000 feet...through the eyes of David Blunkett). One day it was there and few days later it had completely disappeared. A strange happening indeed but it seemed to be an isolated incident - at least until the cover story about rebuilding it was exposed as being untrue.
Secondly, down the coast at Dover, all common sense disappeared over night. Margate were sent to spend their cash at the overgrown train station that is England's premier boom town, Ashford. Something that's harsh even on the Thanet dwellers, sending them to a place that lacks class and culture. OK so Margate lacks class as well but it does have culture, albeit the kind of culture that is best kept refrigerated in a secure laboratory.
One thing led to another and the lack of common sense quickly resulted in the most shocking disappearance of the lot. Dover manager Clive Walker just vanished. Sacked by the board? I don't think so. Where are the board? They've been taken as well. Nobody's seen them. Just a few terse, carefully scripted statements on the website and in the press, they haven't shown their faces because whoever's pulling the strings it's not the trio of sensible football-loving Dover fans that were running the show last week. Something sinister is going on.
The work of extra-terrestrials? A government conspiracy? The Truth Is Out There.
P.S. If "they" come looking for me, you ain't seen me, right?
Monday, October 20, 2003
The Ryman Leaguers strike back.
So we found out if the Ryman League is any good. Only when they're 3-0 down it seems. It may have been a bad day for us but it was a worse day for the bloke who keeps track of the attendance at Park Lane. First time he's ever had to count past 500 and he ****ed it up. Hopefully they'll keep faith in him, he'll get better with practice.
As for the game itself there's nothing I can add to what has already been said, except to say shit happens.
As for the game itself there's nothing I can add to what has already been said, except to say shit happens.
Dover's championship challenge
On my return to the connected world today I was reading through the messages on the forum over at the official site when I came across a discussion of Dover's championship chances and the odds that were available on the mighty Whites to lift the title. Now I'm as optimistic as the next hugely biased Dover supporter about the imminent upturn in our fortunes but I feel that title talk is perhaps slightly premature. Still if you think that the prices available are good value for money I know of a stadium redevelopment project that you might also like to invest in.
Kicking a club when they're down
It seems my absence from the good old WWW could not have come at a worse time. The time was ripe for some serious Margate baiting and I have let you all down. I can only apologise and promise that I will attempt to rectify the situation. Firstly I'd like to say a long overdue, Nelson-from-the-Simpsons-style: "Ha-ha!".
Anyway it seems that shit has hit the fan at Hartsdown. Or it would have done except they don't have anywhere to keep a fan, or to go for a shit for that matter, since they demolished the place. With the benefit of hindsight the decision to bulldoze the existing stadium does seem a little er... unfortunate? Optimistic? Misguided? No. Daft. That's the word I'm looking for. The people responsible for the premature (or long-overdue depending on your point of view) demolition of Knocked-Down Park must now be feeling like the bloke who thought it would be a good idea to see how the Chernobyl power station would work with the safety systems switched off as he became aware of his error.
So, to cut a long story short, we're stuck with them as tennants at our magnificent hillside abode for some time yet and they are going to have to do some serious brown-nosing to keep Thanet Council and the Conference sweet.
It may surprise you, but I don't actually want to see the end of Margate FC. We need them to give us our Jimmy Aggrey moments and to take the piss out of (and for them to take the piss out of us if we're going to be fair about it). I just don't want to see them doing well.
Finally, it's been revealed that the remains found under the Hartsdown rubble were in fact human. Which means it was almost certainly an away supporter.
Anyway it seems that shit has hit the fan at Hartsdown. Or it would have done except they don't have anywhere to keep a fan, or to go for a shit for that matter, since they demolished the place. With the benefit of hindsight the decision to bulldoze the existing stadium does seem a little er... unfortunate? Optimistic? Misguided? No. Daft. That's the word I'm looking for. The people responsible for the premature (or long-overdue depending on your point of view) demolition of Knocked-Down Park must now be feeling like the bloke who thought it would be a good idea to see how the Chernobyl power station would work with the safety systems switched off as he became aware of his error.
So, to cut a long story short, we're stuck with them as tennants at our magnificent hillside abode for some time yet and they are going to have to do some serious brown-nosing to keep Thanet Council and the Conference sweet.
It may surprise you, but I don't actually want to see the end of Margate FC. We need them to give us our Jimmy Aggrey moments and to take the piss out of (and for them to take the piss out of us if we're going to be fair about it). I just don't want to see them doing well.
Finally, it's been revealed that the remains found under the Hartsdown rubble were in fact human. Which means it was almost certainly an away supporter.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Newport County - Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
After my Canvey Island preview was so well received (actually it was slated by everybody except for two twisted individuals) I thought I should do one for this weekend's trip to Newport. But then I changed my mind because they're Welsh and it would just be too easy.
Remember kids - holiganism is for losers.
Remember kids - holiganism is for losers.
